


Welcome to Nudist Beach

by aviatrix8



Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Humor, Multi, Nudity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-23 23:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4895791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aviatrix8/pseuds/aviatrix8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When your secret organization is named Nudist Beach, you're bound to have some odd things happening around the place... (A collection of random short stories.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seven Day Itch

**Author's Note:**

> These are all silly short stories, set in Nudist Beach. (A couple of these were originally posted in my other KLK short story collection, Common Threads, but were moved here, instead.)

Part 1: “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”

Iori grimaced as he wove his way around the steamy underbelly of the Nudist Beach base. It was a maze of pipes and hot air vents down here; Iori wasn’t sure why Inumuta had asked to meet down here, but he hoped that it would be worth his time.

Still, if he wandered around any longer, his lab coat was going to be soaked with steam, and considering that it was the only article of clothing Iori had on, he’d might as well be wearing a floor-length wet t-shirt in terms of decency. Not that it mattered around this place, but still…

Just then, Iori walked into a clear area, and felt a cool breeze flow past him. He breathed a sigh of relief… Until he realized the cool air was coming from below him.

“Aw crap!” The bottom half of his lab coat was flying up! Desperately, he tried to push down the white cloth with both his hands, but his coat was flaring out all over the place. He sincerely hoped no one else could see this…

*click*

Startled, Iori looked up, to see Inumuta standing against the wall, holding up a camera phone.

Iori’s brow furrowed. “Inumuta? What the hell…?”

Inumuta pushed up his glasses. “Ah, let me explain. Ever heard of the classic American film, ‘The Seven Year Itch’? In it, there’s a famous scene where Marilyn Monroe stands over a subway vent, and her skirt flies up; I just wanted to recreate that scene and… Uh oh.”

Iori was turning extremely red. Inumuta decided right then to turn tail and run.

***

Sanageyama and Jakuzure were sitting on a crate playing cards, when Inumuta ran past them at breakneck speed.

“Huh. Never seen the nerd run so fast before,” commented Jakuzure, still looking at her cards.

Moments later, Iori ran past, screaming at the top of his lungs. “Come back here with that camera, Inumuta!”

“Huh. Never heard Iori so mad before,” commented Sanageyama, as he discarded a card.

Jakuzure gave Sanageyama a sidelong glance. “Five hundred yen says he catches him.”

Sanagayama grinned. “You’re on!”

They both threw down their cards and ran after Inumuta and Iori.

*****

Part 2: “I Wanna Be Loved by You”

Inumuta dashed down the narrow hallways of Nudist Beach HQ, with Iori hot on his heels. With his long legs, Inumuta was a surprisingly fast runner, but Iori was keeping up through pure anger and adrenaline.

_Mental note, do not piss off Iori again,_ thought Inumuta to himself. _But in my defense, it was just one photo…_

_Granted, I shouldn’t have tricked him into entering the sub-basement… Or lured him into walking over an air vent, just so I could take a picture… Aw, who am I kidding? I probably deserve this._ Not that he was going to let Iori catch him, though.

Reaching the end of the hallway, Inumuta skidded around the corner, and came out into the main area of Nudist Beach HQ. He tried to ignore the curious gazes that turned to look at him and Iori, as they ran past.

And despite his natural quickness, Inumuta was slowly running out of steam; he wasn’t used to running this much, not for this long. Unfortunately for Inumuta, this was enough for Iori to finally come within range of him… Reaching out wildly, Iori managed to grab one of the cords hanging off of Inumuta’s outfit.

The effect of this was immediate; Inumuta’s legs jackknifed from under him, and he fell heavily to the ground. Iori then leapt on Inumuta’s prone form.

The nearby Nudist Beach operatives could only look on in bemusement, at the unusual sight of their two newest and most subdued members, having a rather awkward-looking wrestling match.

Meanwhile, Jakuzure and Sanageyama crowded in with the rest of the gawkers, as they watched the scene unfold before them.

“Told you he’d catch him! Sanageyama, you owe me five hundred yen!”

“You’re kidding, right? Where am I supposed to keep change in this outfit?”

“Hmph.” Jakuzure stared as Iori and Inumuta struggled with each other. “I wonder what’s up with those two, anyways?”

Sanageyama shrugged. “Lovers’ spat?”

Jakuzure snorted. “Yeah, right.”

She then watched as Iori climbed onto top of Inumuta and straddled him, so he could yell in his face.

Jakuzure’s brow furrowed. “Then again…”

***

Meanwhile, Iori had just grabbed Inumuta by the collar. “All right! Where it it?”

“Where’s what?” replied Inumuta innocently.

“Your camera phone! Where is it?”

Inumuta held up a pair of empty hands. “I must’ve dropped it somewhere. Sorry.”

Iori’s eyes narrowed. “You’d never drop your phone willingly, Inumuta.” He scanned Inumuta’s outfit.

The problem with Nudist Beach uniforms (well, one of them anyways) was that there weren’t many places to hide things in; everything was skintight, if not just bare skin. Granted, there were all the pouches, but Iori knew that Inumuta would never hide anything in somewhere so obvious.

There was only one way Iori could think of, to find the phone’s hiding place…

Iori reached out to grab Inumuta by the back of the neck… And pulled out Inumuta’s phone from inside the collar.

“Aw, crap…” muttered Inumuta.

“I knew you’d never get rid of it!” said Iori triumphantly. He then stood up, and began swiping at Inumuta’s smartphone.

Inumuta leapt to his feet. “Hey, wait!”

He looked over Iori’s shoulder just in time to see the words “PHOTO DELETED” pop up on his phone’s screen.

“Aw, crap.”

Iori shoved the phone into Inumuta’s bare chest. “You’re lucky I don’t just break your phone, Inumuta.” He then grabbed Inumuta by the collar, until they were face-to-face.

“And if you ever try a stunt like that again,” said Iori quietly, “I’m putting itching powder in all of your clothes. Got it?”

“Duly noted,” replied Inumuta meekly.

Iori let go of him and stomped away… Only to be surrounded by Jakuzure and Sanageyama.

“So, what was in the photo?” asked Jakuzure slyly.

“What photo?” Iori kept walking, but the other two kept pace with him.  

“Don’t play dumb, Iori. We’ve got ears, you know,” pointed out Sanageyama.

“It’s none of your business!”

Sanageyama put a friendly arm around Iori. “Aw, don’t hold out on us… We’re pals, right?”

“Do you guys want itching powder in your clothes too?” snapped Iori.

As their voices faded into the distace, Inumuta finally glanced down at his smartphone, swiping a few screens until he’d found what he was looking for.

100% - UPLOAD COMPLETE

Inumuta smiled behind his collar. Iori had been so intent on deleting the photo, that he hadn’t even thought of checking the upload logs. Not that Inumuta planned on sharing the photo with anyone else; he had uploaded it to his own personal online storage, for later perusal.

As he placed his phone in his pouch, Inumuta strolled away, all while humming “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend” under his breath.


	2. Rage Vent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iori keeps on having unintentional wardrobe malfunctions with his lab coat.

Iori was idly walking down one of the many hallways of Nudist Beach HQ, when he was startled by a sudden gust of air, seemingly from nowhere; a gust strong enough to blow the lower half of his lab coat off to the side.

He pulled down his hemline, and looked around hurriedly. Fortunately, there was no one around to see his indiscretion, unintentional though it was. Iori thought nothing of it, and continued on his way.

That is, until it happened again… And again. Over and over, over the course of a week.

The final straw happened in full sight of most of Nudist Beach’s troops; there was a gust of air from under Iori that was so powerful, it nearly stripped him of his lab coat, and he ended up flashing everyone in the general vicinity.

Iori was not amused.

***

Inumuta was browsing through some structural diagrams of Nudist Beach HQ on his monitor, when he noticed a familiar figure enter the room, out of the corner of his eye.

“Hey, Iori. Ever notice how odd the ventilation system in Nudist Beach is? There are ventilation shafts everywhere; it’s a security nightmare–”

“I KNOW!”

Startled at his friend’s tone of voice, Inumuta turned around just in time to see Iori, armed with a dress form taller than he was, rolling up his sleeve, and storming towards Mikisugi’s office.

Inumuta was not the former Information and Strategy Chair of Honnouji Academy for nothing. Moments later, he was carrying Iori over his shoulder, away from the command centre, while the blond boy was swearing more than Inumuta had ever heard, the entire time he’d known him.

“Let me go!” snapped Iori. “Honestly, who else would install ventilation shafts for the sole purpose of standing in front of? Only him!”

He pointed an accusing finger at Mikisugi, who had just walked out of his office, with Tsumugu close behind him.

“Huh. I always wondered how you managed to make your clothes fly up all the time,” commented Tsumugu, while Mikisugi had a ‘guilty as charged’ look on his face.

***

The next day, Inumuta discreetly handed Iori a map labelling all of the air vents in Nudist Beach (while Iori started wearing underwear underneath his lab coat, regardless of regulation).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I’ve used this gag before… I’m just amused at the thought of Mikisugi installing extra vents in NB HQ just so his lab coat will fly up. XP


	3. The Wet Look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People should really watch their step, when walking around Nudist Beach HQ...

Iori was walking down the main hall of Nudist Beach HQ, when unexpectedly, he found himself doused with gallons of water, from out of nowhere.

“What the–?” spluttered Iori, and looked up. Far above him, there seemed to be a complex set of pulleys that Iori traced down to a trigger pad directly under his foot; hastily, he moved it away.

“You think I’d learn to watch my step around here, by now,” muttered Iori, as he wrung out his lab coat, now completely drenched with water.

“Oh, yeah. I guess I should’ve warned you guys about that.”

Iori looked up, to see Tsumugu Kinagase leaning on a wall across from him.

“You think?” grumbled Iori, trying to ignore the fact that his lab coat had gone completely transparent, although Tsumugu didn’t seem to notice or particularly care. “What’s up with these pranks, anyways? Is this grade school, or something?”

“I wish it were just a prank,” said Tsumugu, as he casually lit up a cigarette. “Ever hear of the American movie, ‘Flashdance’?”

“I think so,” said Iori cautiously.

“Well, you know that scene where the stripper pulls a rope, and dumps water on herself from above? Well, Mikisugi saw that scene, and…”

Iori found himself picturing Mikisugi posing on a chair, in soaking wet clothes, while shaking the water out of his hair. Iori promptly shoved the mental image out of his mind.

“You’re joking,” he said flatly.

“Kid, there are two things you should know about me,” began Tsumugu, and blew out a smoke ring. “One, I never kid about stuff like this. Two, I never make jokes.”

Iori glared at him.

The moment was then cut short by the sound of a distant splash, accompanied by a loud curse.

“What the–? Who the hell dumped all this water on me? If my phone got wet, they are DEAD!”

*****

“What the hell happened to you two?” asked Jakuzure, as Iori and Inumuta walked up to her. “Both of you are soaking wet!”

“It’s all Mikisugi’s fault!” growled Inumuta. Fortunately, his phone hadn’t gotten drenched, but he was still furious about the close call.

Jakuzure listened with astonishment to their explanation.

“Wait. You mean to tell me, there are places around here you can step on, which will dump water on you?”

Both boys nodded wordlessly.

An evil glint appeared in Jakuzure’s eye. “Hmmm… That gives me an idea…”

Inumuta and Iori exchanged glances.

“Just what exactly did you have in mind, Jakuzure?” asked Inumuta, with a raised eyebrow.

She merely grinned.

***

“Are you sure this is such a good idea?” asked Iori hesitantly.

“Don’t worry so much, Iorin,” she replied, waving a hand. “This’ll be hysterical!”

Iori cast another glance at Inumuta, who merely shrugged, and continued browsing his phone.

The three were currently hiding behind a pile of crates, staking out one of the floor plates that would dump water upon an unwitting passerbyer.

“Target is approaching the location now,” said Inumuta quietly, as he looked down at his phone.

“Sweet! This will be priceless!” said Jakuzure, rubbing her hands in anticipation.

All three peeked around the crates, to see Uzu Sanageyama approaching the target location.

“Huh. I thought Jakuzure said she’d meet me around here, but I don’t sense her at all,” they heard Sanageyama say to himself.

From her hiding spot, Jakuzure snickered to herself.

The trio watched as Sanageyama slowly walked onto the floor panel, activating it. A deluge of water suddenly dropped on the blind swordsman, blocking him from view momentarily.

“Hah!” Jakuzure jumped out from her hiding place. “I got you, you blind monkey!”

“Huh?” said Sanageyama, who was now dripping with water. He then grinned. “Wow, that was refreshing! Where can I find another of those?”

Sanageyama shook his head, causing droplets of water to fly from his hair, almost in slow-motion.

“Huh. Figures that he would actually enjoy it,” murmured Inumuta, while Jakuzure flushed red; though it was difficult to tell if it was from annoyance, or some other emotion…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by that recent artwork of Mikisugi by Sushio. He might not be spraying himself to look wet, but he strikes me as the type that totally would. XP


	4. Lift with your Legs, Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little lab work backfires on Iori and Inumuta.

“Inumuta, could you help me turn the Emergency Suction Device around?” asked Iori. “There’s a side panel I need to get to.”

“Er…” Inumuta gazed at the cylindrical device with some skepticism; it was larger than both of them combined. “Perhaps we should ask for some help? I’m not certain we have the upper body strength for such a task.”

At this, Iori frowned. “Surely between the two of us, we can roll it over, right?” He poked at Inumuta’s abs, exposed by his Nudist Beach uniform. “Besides, you’ve been working out; I can tell, you know.”

“A bit,” admitted Inumuta, flushing behind the collar. “Still, I’m not sure–”

“Don’t worry,” reassured Iori. “Anyways, how hard can it be?”

***

There was a banging at the door of the Nudist Beach lab.

“Hey geeksters, it’s lunchtime! Stop working on that thing and get some food!”

When there was no response, an annoyed-looking Jakuzure let herself into the room.

As she entered, Jakuzure was surprised to see that the lab seemed empty, apart from that huge weird device sitting in the middle of the room; which was odd, because she'd thought she heard those two nerds mention that they’d be working on it all day.

Just then, Jakuzure thought she heard a plaintive ‘help’ from behind the device.

Narrowing her eyes, she drew out Bakuzan-Gako and quickly ran around the thing… However, when Jakuzure saw what was on the other side, she stopped in her tracks.

Seeing who had come to their aid, Inumuta covered his face in shame.

“Except you…” he groaned. “Anyone but you…”

Jakuzure then doubled over in laughter, at the sight of both Inumuta and Iori, lying flat on the floor, held down by the weight of the Emergency Suction Device.

As both boys flushed bright red, Jakuzure wiped tears from her eyes. “I can’t believe you two nerds got owned by that thing!”

“It’s not completely our fault!” protested Inumuta. “It rolled back on us unexpectedly!”

“Just get this off us already!” pleaded Iori.

Jakuzure pulled out a pink phone, with an impish grin.

“Not until I get a picture first…!”

“Jakuzure!”

There was a faint click, then Jakuzure pushed the device off of them with both hands.

“Well? Aren’t you two going to say thank you?” she said, smirking.

Both boys dusted themselves off and glared at her, then turned away and stomped off; as he did so, Iori made a gesture at Jakuzure that definitely was not one of gratitude.

“Touchy…” murmured Jakuzure. Her eyes then widened, as she caught a whiff of something burning… Startled, she pulled out her phone, which was starting to smoke.

“My phone!”

“Good luck telling anyone about that little incident without any proof,” called out Inumuta, as he walked away.

Jakuzure stared at her now useless phone for a moment, then tossed it over her shoulder.

“Hmph. Those two can be so bitchy sometimes,” she muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s my reason why you never see Inumuta or Iori use the Emergency Suction Device. XP Poor squashed nerds… (Cranky, too.)


End file.
